i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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