i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Come share oat with me in your robe
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
