yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize