I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
