omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she woke up with a sticky ear
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize