You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
