i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.