Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse