dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.