have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"