The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.