everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thank you for not boning my boss.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
