Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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