She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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