lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
