I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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