Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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