I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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