The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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