I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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