Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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