I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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