Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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