Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
