She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
