I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
