Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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