"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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