Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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