So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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