i can't believe i had my finger in that
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
