i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
