Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
