Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
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At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
did i just pee glitter
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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