Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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