didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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