Yo dont text me then not text me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
