I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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