peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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