How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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