Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
