Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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