I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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