He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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