Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
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I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???