Michael Bay diarrhea
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.