It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!