i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment