Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i out mim tonsoeep
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
