I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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