I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize