She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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