addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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