I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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