At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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