I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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