Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
