The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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