I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
